Kill feelings. Release Savage. / by Richardo Hill

This was new to me. 
I didn't know how to deal with it. 
I got lost in the emotion. I searched for a way out. I got even deeper into the darkness. 
Sometimes I felt like I was heading in the right direction only to find a dead end. 

Nothing worked. 

I heard all the advice....

"FIND YOURSELF"
"FIX IT"
"DO WHAT YOU LOVE!"
"WORK ON YOU"
"BECOME A BETTER RICKY"
 

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I heard you. I listened to all of you. I tried everything everyone said. Nothing worked. I kept finding dead ends. I even ended back to the beginning. 

Then I remembered.

The one time I almost felt something like this. Just the initial stages. I remembered how I fixed it. 

I stopped crawling along the edge trying to find the exit. I closed my eyes and I

JUMPED 

I didn't try to fight the feelings. I didn't just let the pain hurt. I let it consume me. 

Falling through the dark ugly emotions. I felt it all. 
 

  • Anger
  • Sadness
  • Regret
  • Frustration
  • Discouragement
  • Depression
  • Betrayal

Everything I felt all hitting me at once with no mercy. I took it. I embraced it. 
It became too much. I reached for the edge. I couldn't stop myself. 

I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!

then...

Out of nowhere

I hit the ground.

I hit so hard I bounced

I just lay there. This is it. It can't get any more worse than this. Then out of nowhere the pressure got stronger. The ground below me started to crack. I couldn't breathe. They were trying to push me below rock bottom. I place that shouldn't exist. 

trying....to....breathe.....

trying.......to...........breathe.....

trying.........

*flatline*